Tag Archives: help

Hard Days And What To Do With Them

Well it has been a yucky couple of days.

My apartment is not spotless. I am a hoarder by nature and it is hard for me to let things go. My back and neck sometimes hurt me so much that I can barely move, so cleaning is an all day event with lots of rest breaks. My home is messy, but NOT dirty.

Yet when the exterminator, who comes once a month, came to my door yesterday he said it was too dirty. My kitchen was spotless, but it is so small that you can barely see the counter for my appliances – coffee maker, toaster, microwave and the like. My coffee table and dining table were cluttered. This is a small one bedroom apartment with one big room for the living/dining area and a tiny alcove kitchen so you see all this from the doorway.

When he left I called my wonderful case worker, R., and cried to him in a tizzy. He reassured me and said he would be here first thing today. Well, he came by this morning and said that all was okay, just do some decluttering, and he went to talk to the apartment manager for me. End result is she is coming this afternoon to see the apartment first hand. I am very nervous.

But what I am not is a wreck. I had my coffee this morning and it didn’t turn into a panic attack. My little meds must be in there working overtime. I am on edge, but not over the edge.

I began to wonder why I am not a basket case. I have come up with a few things that are helping me to keep a panic attack at bay..

  1. I can only worry so much. My mindset today is that I need to wait to see exactly what there is to worry about before I commit more time to it.
  2. If a panic attack starts I can do my best to squash it in it’s tracks by taking a few deep, controlled breaths. In through the nose and hold and out through the mouth. This often works to center my mind on something else besides the circles it wants to run.
  3. I accept that I cannot control everything, so I will do my best at the things that I can control, like making sure the apartment is cleaned and vacuumed and dusted.
  4. I was able to talk with a professional – my case worker. He is expert at allaying my fears, giving me something else to concentrate on besides impending doom. And his promise to help no matter what comes of it is one that I can rely on.
  5. There is TV. Yay! I chose The World’s End to watch. It is the last movie of the Cornetto Trilogy. And now I will have Shaun of the Dead, the first of the three, on while I compose this and wait for the manager to come. For one, there is the humorous nature of the movies – they make me laugh. Second, I have seen them so many times that they can be on in the background and I can still follow along. Humor is a great blessing all the time, but especially when you are stressed out.
  6. I am trying to see the positive in the situation. This will give me the boost I need to clear out some boxes I have been saving (for what, I don’t know) and get my closets cleaned out.
  7. I am writing this post to perhaps give someone else ideas on how to deal with their own struggle. In trying to help someone else, I am making myself feel better. So thank you for being there.

I found the quote by Andy Warhol to be helpful today. In the end, so what.

So what if I have to do a deep clean? So what if I have to pay to have the carpets cleaned? So what if I have to have people come in and help me?

I am not meaning it in a snooty way, just saying that in the end all these things are doable, so why worry about them until they have to happen.

If you are having a hard day I hope one of my suggestions will help you. Please let me know of something I might have left out that would be helpful. What do you do to deal with your hard days?

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When Help Is Needed

I am pooped. I have been cleaning all day in anticipation of guests tomorrow.

I may have won something in a contest. All I was told was to be ready for a delivery tomorrow. I will certainly let you know what it is in a blog post.

I’m very, very excited because I never win anything.

Because I have been hurting so bad lately I asked my neighbors if they would help me by doing the dishes and taking out the garbage. These are the things that cause the most pain. I paid them in advance because they had some errands to run first. Well, at 7:20 tonight they knocked on my door and asked if they can come over tomorrow morning and help me. I said yes, what choice did I have?

I am so nervous about them coming in the morning that I have set my alarm for very early and will start on these things when I get up. Surely they will come in the morning, though.

Everything else is dusted and vacuumed and mopped and made to smell fresh and clean. It feels better in here, makes me feel better. But there are times that I just can’t do anything. It is then that I have to ask for help.

It took a long time for me to think that it was okay to ask for help. I didn’t want to bother people. But then I made a few friends that were happy to help me. For free. And there are some people who will do it but you have to pay them. My dear friend who would help is very sick right now with a cold and bronchitis. Otherwise she would have been here for me days ago.

I am thinking that asking for help for any reason is hard for some people. I am very up front and quick to ask for help from my doctors when my mental health is concerning me. But my physical needs are another matter. I often kid myself that I will surely feel better tomorrow, so I ‘ll put off doing the task.

So, if you think you need help, mentally or physically, ask for it. Don’t do like I do and wait until the last moment. There are people who will help. You just have to find them.